i'm really just in a state of shock right now and feel the need to vent out everything. i'm finally understanding that michael is gone, and he's never going to come back. i actually found out from my best friend what i thought i'd never have to face. michael's dead, she said.
michael's dead? right there, i knew it was michael jackson. the man that was my hero for literally my entire life was gone. i started going through the five stages of grief. i denied it first, over and over and over. i wasn't accepting that fact that he was dead. i thought this was some huge prank, being the joker that michael jackson was. i was like stfu, diem. you're stupid. he'll come back for the This Is It! tour. next i was angry. my hero is gone? fuck the goddamn world. what about us? the fans? newspeople acting like oh, let's just go on with our lives? yeah, right. michael was a human being. an amazing human being. you people are such fucking hypocrites. i then, actually tried bargaining with this. praying to michael basically. "you can't be dead. i was determined to see your concert in london, you have to understand", even though beknownst to me, he was being airlifted by an helicopter to the la county coroners office at the very moment. then, depression..... now on july 5th at 12:50am, while i'm vacation with 3/4ths of the most amazing people i know, it's finally hitting me that michael is gone. i've seriously signed up for tickets to the public wake in la . i want to say my final goodbyes to the man that i've idolised, imitated, and supported throughout my entire life. my luck? i won't win, i don't even know how i would get there, but knowing i've had the opportunity to even try to attempt to see him for the first, and very last time. it's depressing. so very much. but the final stage, which is acceptance, is still trying to set in. i've no clue when it will, or if it ever will. we got his favourite ride, the sea dragon, in kentucky in march and i feel it was the best business proposition he's made to give back to fans in this shithole. granted its in bowling green, in the middle frickin' nowhere, but i plan to at least ride it once in my lifetime. i really can't cope the fact that hes gone so soon. i remember listening to scream with him and janet over and over and over for years. it was a anthem for me, just because of what the lyrics actually meant. i'm so happy he's not going to be interred at neverland ranch though. his parents just wanted to exploit him, and even in death they're still trying to exploit him even more. he never wanted to go back there again especially after the child molestation
ALLEGATIONS. michael was far too amazing for the world, now he can live his dream......
to live forevergone too soon.
rest in peace, mj
i love you
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lazy
crushed
accomplished
bouncy
depressed